The Verdict

This should be the last post about hemmorhoids for the time being (I make no promises about the future, but I promise that I'll lay off for a while after this).

So, I had my appointment with the doctor today. First of all, you should know that when I am nervous I tend to either get angry or giddy. Today I was kind of giddy, especially after sitting around the waiting room for an hour reading Ladies Home Journal and Sunset. Then they sent me back to the little room and I had to take off most of my clothes and sit around half-naked for another half an hour. I actually didn't see the doctor first; he sent in the resident to interview me and take a quick look at my bottom. She reassured me "You'll really like Dr. W, he's very nice and not really like a doctor at all." Then he came in and I almost started laughing. You see, when I hear "proctologist", I think grandfather-type old guy with white hair. Dr. W was only a few years older than me, wears dark Elvis Costello glasses, and had on a bright pink tie. He reminded me, rather disturbingly, of our friend Sir Jupiter. So I kept trying hard not to giggle during the whole appointment, especially when he kept looking at me over his glasses and talking very seriously about "bowel movements" and "anoscopes". The whole experience was rather surreal.

So, after having three different people look at my butt today and shove various scary objects into it, they decided I do not need surgery at this point. This is good, because surgery is painful and takes a while to recover from. The doctor said he prefers to keep surgery as a final resort after other measures don't work so well. I feel a little ambivalent about this, because while I see the good in avoiding a difficult surgery at this time, I still have the problem. I could have another big flare-up like last weekend. I have an unfortunate combination of genetic predisposition, a tendency towards constipation, and two pregnancies working against me. But my new goals are to eat more fiber and take fiber supplements, keep getting regular exercise, and to drink more water. I promised my hip, young doctor that I will produce one soft bowel movement every day and that if I have more problems we will talk again later. I just hope he's not wearing that distracting pink tie next time.

Comments

TK said…
I'm glad you can avoid surgery. I hope things go well so you can heal completely.

Perhaps 100 mg or less of magnesium might help - it might be worth a try. (That's well under the RDA, so not an extreme measure at all.) It is also somewhat of a relaxant, so I used to take it for migraines, but did it before bedtime b/c it makes me sleepy if I take very much.
Kristeee said…
My mom's a nurse and once played a pictionary game where she had to draw a hemmorhoid. She about wets herself anytime she thinks about it.

I'm glad you get to avoid surgery. May you poop in peace :)
JB said…
Glad you were able to avoid surgery. Doesn't sound like I have the same problems or at least not as severely, but water and fiber work pretty well for me. Even just water can solve the problem, if I drink a ridiculous amount of it. So, I'm not a doctor, but your goals are things that have worked for me. . . Best of luck!
Sir Jupiter said…
Great, now every time you see me you're going to associate me with rectal hemrroids.
FoxyJ said…
Actually, Sir Jupiter, just anal probing. Kind of like Kang and Kodos.
skyeJ said…
I could send you some of my poop. Dump it in your water. You'll have diarrhea in NO TIME!! YEAH! And some Forever Friends. I bet. I won't get tested for another five months.

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