Learning How to Parent
There are a few girls in S-Boogie's class that have started stopping by after school almost every day to ask if she can come play with them. Up until now I have always put them off with excuses (and we've been busy or sick a lot for the last few weeks). Today, however, we were outside playing in the driveway when they stopped by so she finally got to play with her friends. The ironic thing is, she hasn't been at school for the past two days because she has been running a fever. This afternoon her fever was mostly down and the weather was nice so I thought it would be fine for her and Little Dude to get outside for a while. I'm glad that it turned out that we could have her friends play too.
I don't know why I feel so socially awkward with a bunch of six-year-old girls. I'm not comfortable with S-Boogie running around and playing with them, but I'm not sure why. I think it's because I have some self-doubt; am I the only one who doesn't want her first-grader wandering the neighborhood? Some of the streets are kind of busy, and I don't know these girls parents at all (I think one is in our ward but I know the other two aren't). I am a lot more comfortable with play dates where I've arranged them with the parents and I know (more or less) what we're getting into. That being said, I'm also not sure if I should invite the kids into my house when the weather gets colder. I would if I had made prior arrangements with their parents and I have no idea if their parents are all right with them coming in my home. Of course, their parents are apparently OK with them wandering the neighborhood every afternoon so they probably don't mind.
As you can see, I'm not sure what to do about the situation. It brings up a lot of my social anxieties, both with kids and adults. It brings up the guilt I feel that I'm sheltering my child too much and that as a mom I'm going to ruin her social life. It brings up the uncomfortable fact that I am a bit of a snob and can be uncomfortable about people who come from different social classes than I do. And it brings up the fact that I don't like kids very much, and though I generally like my own I'm still not a big fan of other kids (which leaves me with the options of either letting my daughter go around unsupervised or supervising other kids I don't know very well). Sigh. I'm probably thinking about this too much. For some reason parenting keeps leaving me with the same old feeling that everybody else has 'the rules' figured out and I don't.
I don't know why I feel so socially awkward with a bunch of six-year-old girls. I'm not comfortable with S-Boogie running around and playing with them, but I'm not sure why. I think it's because I have some self-doubt; am I the only one who doesn't want her first-grader wandering the neighborhood? Some of the streets are kind of busy, and I don't know these girls parents at all (I think one is in our ward but I know the other two aren't). I am a lot more comfortable with play dates where I've arranged them with the parents and I know (more or less) what we're getting into. That being said, I'm also not sure if I should invite the kids into my house when the weather gets colder. I would if I had made prior arrangements with their parents and I have no idea if their parents are all right with them coming in my home. Of course, their parents are apparently OK with them wandering the neighborhood every afternoon so they probably don't mind.
As you can see, I'm not sure what to do about the situation. It brings up a lot of my social anxieties, both with kids and adults. It brings up the guilt I feel that I'm sheltering my child too much and that as a mom I'm going to ruin her social life. It brings up the uncomfortable fact that I am a bit of a snob and can be uncomfortable about people who come from different social classes than I do. And it brings up the fact that I don't like kids very much, and though I generally like my own I'm still not a big fan of other kids (which leaves me with the options of either letting my daughter go around unsupervised or supervising other kids I don't know very well). Sigh. I'm probably thinking about this too much. For some reason parenting keeps leaving me with the same old feeling that everybody else has 'the rules' figured out and I don't.
Comments
Our rules are not to go in another person's house unless I have agreed to it. If other kids want to come into our house, or even in the back yard, I make sure we tell a parent. I just assume that if I'd want to know something and am not entirely comfortable, then other parents must feel the same way. The first several times my kids play with a new child I try to keep fairly close so I can listen for things like language, tone, interactions, etc. It is a learning curve, for sure.
I also love this description: I picture a whole pack of evil Shirley-temple types roaming the neighborhood like Zombies. Sorry. Too much Halloween I guess.
I'm definitely protective, and I don't think that it's bad that you are too. I sure wouldn't want my little one hanging out in a house I knew nothing about. Even in happy valley Utah. :-)
I'd invite the girls into your house and get to know them. They'll stop wandering when the weather gets icky and your house can be a safe haven.
The social scene in Salt Lake is very strange-- kids are friendly only until 2nd or 3rd grade. If your daughter were a few years older the girls wouldn't have come back after the first rejection and you'd have an entirely different sort of problem!
I have found that when my kids are playing with other kids they actually don't really need much supervision, they just do their thing. At her age I think you can relax and just let her play.
And this is why I love blogging, because I can always find friends to give me advice. I love my readers :)
For the record, he roams, but the roving band also roams over to our house. We've met the parents, we've seen the houses, we asked a few questions.
I realized a couple funny things:
1. If you have the windows open you can hear them playing outside, even several houses down.
2. At some point when the roaming band is at your house, you'll be feeding everyone lunch or snacks. Be prepared. I had a happy epiphany one day that all of us parents were taking turns feeding each others' children. Kind of sweet.
3. Never be too afraid to ask if they have guns and if they are properly locked up. Firearms are plentiful around here and a responsible gun owner will have no problem assuring you that their arms are under lock and key.