Yellow Wallpaper

Last night I was putting S-Boogie in the car so we could go to Queen Zippergut's wedding reception. I explained to her that we were going to a special party because QZ had gotten married. S-Boogie repeated "got married" (at least it sounded like she did), and then she looked up and asked me "Got Joseph too?"

The present opening orgy has ended and we have consumed the roast beast and mashed potatoes. S-Boogie is cutting up fake fruit while watching Jimi Hendrix burn his guitar on the big screen TV. Life is good.

As you may have figured out, we've been hanging out at my parents' house in Las Vegas this week. This trip has been pretty exciting for me because this is the first time I've been at "home" for Christmas since 1998. My parents came out to Utah a few years ago, but I'll admit that I spent most of that vacation grumpy and nauseated from being newly pregnant. It has been a kind of weird trip, though, because my parents just moved out here and their stuff didn't arrive until this morning. So it feels like home and yet it doesn't. We're also still in this weird stage where things are adjusting to having grown up children and traditions are in flux. But, we're still having a fabulous Christmas Eve here. Most of the boxes are waiting out on the patio and won't be unpacked until later. But we got the living room unpacked today and it feels quite cozy. My dad also decided that it was time to replace their old TV and got a very large flat screen at C...

Today I decided to take advantage of the beautiful weather and let S-Boogie outside to play on the nice patio attached to the back of my parents' house. I feel bad that I haven't let her out to play more often this week. The weather and the fact that we live in an apartment keep her from playing outside very often when we're at home. So my mom decided to attach the little Nerf basketball hoop to one of the posts holding up the patio roof since we figured that S-Boogie might enjoy shooting some hoops. Unfortunately, the child has never played basketball before or seen it played by anyone. She didn't understand that the point is to try and throw the ball into the basket. Instead, she wanted to be able to just drop the ball in and was angry that the basket was positioned over her head and made this impossible. I tried demonstrating a throw a few times and encouraged her to try it. She wasn't buying it. Then her eyes lit up and she ran back into the house. She came out ...

We are currently posting from my parents' home in Las Vegas. They just moved out here after a number of years back east. Before that, we mainly lived in California, so they were trying to find a way to get back here closer to the grandkids that wasn't quite so expensive. We'll be here for a week, and then next Monday we'll go back to Utah. It's been a really fun vacation so far. The rest of my family that is coming (one brother is in Russia and the other is in Maryland) won't be here until tomorrow and Friday, so on Monday Melyngoch and TB came down with us, and then on Tuesday morning Th and Lady Steed drove up to meet up with us. We've had quite the party together, and you can view Master Fob's blog to get the full scoop on the shenanigans. Las Vegas is still not my favorite place in the world, even after seeing the full-size replica of David at Cesar's Palace and eating overpriced pastry in Paris. The last few days haven't been very restful,...

Well, we got to try out the big screen ultrasound set-up sooner than I had anticipated, and it was pretty cool. Yesterday I spent most of the day on the couch resting because I was having some cramping and spotting. Today I was feeling better, but we went in for a little peek to make sure baby and everything else was OK. It was and baby looked very cute. Still a little too small to figure out the gender, but Skye offered to sneak me into labor & delivery to play with their machine, so we might do that in a few weeks. The best part is, I'm supposed to rest for the next 10 days until my appointment, which means I get out of cleaning the bathtub and vacuuming. It's a good thing I'm on vacation!

I had my presidency meeting for Primary tonight, and it came up in conversation that I'm pregnant. Well, then both my counselors told me that they are too. One is due in May and the other in July. I'm sure the bishop will be overjoyed to hear about this...

I have either grown a second heart in my lower abdomen, or there is a little baby in there growing away just fine. I kept my appointment with the midwives today, since Dr. Judd can't see me until the 27th. They checked me out and everything looks and sounds fine. My uterus is measuring bigger than it should, but that's not surprising given the state of my anatomy. I also signed the little forms that give them permission to transfer my records over to the doctor's office. That made me feel a little sad. But then the nurse told me that Dr. Judd has an ultrasound machine that is hooked up to a large-screen plasma TV. That sounds somewhat exciting.

Over the last few years, I have suddenly become aware that there are gay people in the world (if anyone here also reads Master Fob's blog, you will know why). I honestly don't remember thinking much about gay people during high school or even my first few years at school before my mission. I went to high school back when it wasn't that cool to admit to being gay, and most people at my school were members of ethnic groups that still don't think it's very cool to be gay (don't mean to be racist, but it's still mostly OK to be white and gay, but not Samoan and gay). So yeah, didn't think about it, and I honestly didn't care that much. But, now that it's become more of a personal issue for me, I have to confess that I spend way too much time lately fixing up my "gaydar" and trying to figure out who just might be hiding something. Especially since I live in an environment where very few people are out and most are hiding way in the back of ...

Every semester I start out thinking that I'm going to stay on top of my work and start my research papers early. And every semester I wake up one morning a week before classes end and start hyperventilating because I still have to research and write several papers. Once again, I have shown just what a true procrastinator I am. I have two papers due Monday morning. They are both supposed to be about 12 pages long. Paper One is nearly complete--I have eight pages written and hope to finish it tonight. It's not going that well, but I'm banking on the fact that the professor likes me and is usually a nice grader. Paper Two has not been started. At all. I've been putting it off because I'm scared of it. In theory, I have all day tomorrow to work on. In practice, I'll probably be up really late Sunday night finishing it. Someone please shoot me now.

I was going to post something else, and then I realized that I was at post number 100. So I thought I'd make it special. And, since pictures are worth at least 1000 words, this actually adds up to more than 100 things: I was a biker chick in a previous lifetime. Even though I object to Barbie and don't want S-Boogie to play with them, I did and I turned out all right. Also, I don't know why I am wearing boy pajamas at my birthday party. I totally loved my pink bike with the banana seat and I was very sad when it got left in the driveway and run over by a car. And I thought that rainbow suspenders looked really cool with my bright pink pants. When I was in first grade, my teacher had some pet rats in the classroom. One day, they had babies. We could take one home if our parents said yes, so I got my dad to agree to it. This is me and Ratty with our first "Rat Day" cake. Every year for many years thereafter we would celebrate the anniversary of my first cake by mak...

One of the semi-profound lessons I have learned during the last few years is that life will never go the way I want it to, and it always takes me a while to adjust to this fact. Before I left on my mission I still assumed that I wouldn't get married and would simply graduate and go off somewhere fun (and near the beach) for grad school and such. I also made fun of people who married someone they had known as missionaries. So then I married a fellow missionary a little less than a year after we both came home. I also planned on getting out of Utah as soon as I could, but it's taking a little longer than I had originally planned on. And then I thought that we would wait a while before having kids, and "a while" was not as long as I'd originally planned. The thing is, I'm totally, completely happy with my life as it is right now. I don't know how I would feel if my original "plan" had all worked out. Who knows. I've tried not planning on things,...

This afternoon I stopped by my midwives' office in order to get my paperwork and stuff all set for this pregnancy, since I'll be hitting the twelve week mark on Thursday (hooray!). The office manager lady was going over my paperwork and history when she suddenly said, "Oh, just a minute" and left the room. She came back a little while later and told me that I am probably now classified as "high risk" and that they probably won't be able to treat me during this pregnancy. They need to confer with their back-up doctor and get back to me, but chances are that I'm going to have to switch to the doctors. They're great doctors and they did a wonderful job with my c-section, but I like my midwives a lot (pout). The reason why I am now considered high-risk is because during my last pregnancy we discovered that my uterus is defective. The inside is supposed to be like a cozy little round room, but mine has part of the room blocked off and the roof partly...

Last night I dreamed about the ocean. It was a fairly disjointed dream, but from what I remember I was exploring an old house and kept happening upon random family pictures from my childhood. Every time I picked up a picture, I would end up on the beach during a raging winter storm. I was just past the edge of the water and I could feel the mist from the breakers on my face. It was exhilarating. I grew up in California, right on the coast. We lived there until I was 17 (more or less--there were a few years in Idaho that we would all rather forget). I haven't lived by the ocean for ten years now, but I still miss it so terribly I want to cry sometimes. I've tried to love the mountains, I really have. But they just don't do much for me. It's not the same. I can't even explain the feelings that I have about the beach. I don't care much for swimming in the ocean, but a nice walk on a blustery winter day does wonders for my soul. I fear that I will not end up living ...

I really should learn from my past and stop planning my long weekend time as an opportunity to get ahead on my homework. It never happens. I still have several large research papers looming over my head. But, it was a fun weekend over all and quite a lot of good things happened: As you can see, Master Fob proved his manliness by picking out a lovely Christmas tree and putting it up in our living room. This is the first year we've bought a real tree and I totally love the smell. S-Boogie is also beside herself with joy at having her very own tree with lights. We had a delicious dinner with Master Fob's family at his brother's house. And we've been enjoying the leftovers for the last few days as well. I was surprised by a little package from my mother-in-law this morning with a yoga for pregnancy DVD that I had put on my Amazon wish list . My parents were in town and they treated us to Thai food on Friday night. They also gave us a nice anniversary gift in the form of pa...

We are now back online and once again able to communicate with the outside world. After deciding the other day that all the people at Utopia are complete morons, I decide to repent when three vans full of repairmen showed up at our apartment this morning. They were even here before 9:30--simply amazing! They fiddled with things for a while and then declared things fixed. I picked up the phone, and they were! I called my dad on his cellphone and he was delighted as well. So now we are back in the real world and I can return to wasting my time on the internet. Hallelujah!

Just about ready to kill myself, though. Life hasn't been that bad, yet--no major illnesses, natural disasters, or anything like that. But, all the little annoyances are adding up way too fast for me. Like we're suddenly having major issues with appliances--last week our toaster spontaneously combusted, then Master Fob's electric shaver exploded, and this morning I noticed the washing machine making a rather ominous thudding sound during the spin cycle. Our electronics have turned against us. And I have terrible acne, bad gas pain, and none of my pants fit anymore (they are either too big or too small). Sigh. Oh yeah, and then there are the 3 different 12-15 page papers that are due within the next three weeks. And then, our internet and phone died on Friday and have been dead ever since. Customer service has been less than helpful, since their "contractors don't have to work over the weekend". Yuck. Maybe I should just eat too much turkey for Thanksgiving a...

I think I get a little bit giddy when people come over. Last night I managed to tell people that I have been logging my bowel habits online, that sex is a wonderful free present for birthdays and holidays, and that I needed to eat more cake so that I could "fill up my pants" (I really did mean to say "fill out my pants").

This is a picture of the wonderful new shelves that Master Fob installed in our bedroom. We have similar ones in the kitchen, because we don't have very many cabinets. Now our CDs will be able to remain in pristine condition, organized by genre and alphabatized by artist. And there will be no more playing with tape, throwing staplers, or sucking on glue sticks. Aaah!

This afternoon I went to Target to get printer ink. I came out with: Clorox sanitizing wipes Organic fruit leather Cinnamon rolls 1 toddler toothbrush 2 packages of Christmas stationery And, no printer ink. They were out of stock.

Since Master Fob made me do it.... 2 names you go by: Mama (must be yelled very loudly) and Faye (my mom made that one up and she has no idea why) 2 parts of your heritage: polygamists and bootleggers 2 things that scare you: having another c-section; causing a car accident 2 things you are wearing right now: maternity pants (my belly has decided to do a preemptive expansion) and underwear 2 of your favorite bands or musical artists (at the moment): Emmylou Harris; U2 2 favorite songs (at the moment): Roses in the Snow by Emmylou Harris; China by Tori Amos 2 things you want in a relationship (other than real love): lots of laughter; physical contact 2 truths: I still pick my nose sometimes; my feet are too big to fit into S-Boogie's socks 2 physical things that appeal to you (in the opposite sex): good looking hair (on their head); no extra hair on the back or fingers or any other place that hair is not supposed to be 2 of your favorite hobbies: reading; cooking 2 things you want...

This morning I spent four hours (yes, four hours) at "basic" training for Cub Scouts. I actually don't do that much with the scouts, but as president of the Primary I supervise programs so I must be properly trained and registered. This morning's experience mainly helped to solidify why I don't really like Scouting all that much. If I have a boy who wants to be a Scout, I will support him in his wishes and help him with it. I think that it's a great program in its concept and its ideals. I really do. But, the bureaucratic stuff drives me nuts. Let's compare it with Activity Days, which the Church started doing for girls that are the same age as the Cub Scouts. You can explain that program in about 2 minutes. The girls start when they are 8, they end when they turn 12 and move on to Young Women. They have leaders and meet twice a week to do fun things together. They have a little guide book and get to set meaninfgul goals that they work on. They even get ...

I'm really going to hate myself tomorrow for blogging instead of going to bed, but I needed two share two random stories precipitated by posts on other people's blogs. First, Miss Hass posted a story involving giant spiders in her apartment. Recently we had an encounter with a spider in our kitchen. I was cooking and I turned around to see S-Boogie crouched on the floor next to a very large spider. She was very excited about it and even started singing " itsy bitsy spider" to it. It was all very cute and I thought it was neat that she didn't seem to have any fear of spiders. But then I realized that it looked kind of like a hobo spider, and I should probably get rid of it. I tried to get it onto a piece of paper, but it wouldn't cooperate. So I squished it. I probably also squished a lot of S-Boogie's wonderful love of spiders too; I felt horrible about killing something right in front of my daughter. And then she spent the rest of the evening saying ...

I have a little confession: I have really not been very excited about being pregnant. I know I posted a while ago about feeling very baby hungry, but those feelings wore off and we decided to wait for a while. I made some plans for next summer and got very excited about them. But, we didn't really do much to prevent pregnancy, although I really didn't think our timing was right when it happened. So, no, not really a surprise , but not what I was expecting either. And I have spent the last few weeks feeling exhausted, nauseated, and constipated pretty much all the time. But, last night I saw someone on campus walking around with her cute little snuggly baby wrapped up in a flannel blanket and I thought "Hey, I want one of those!". I really did. And then when I got home S-Boogie came running up to me and shouted "Mama, hooray!" and I thought "I could have 2 little people that shout 'hooray' every time they see me". So, yeah, I think I'm...

So I am taking a Spanish class that is called something like "Film Noir and Postmodern Literature in Spain". We are reading contemporary novels and looking at how film has influenced them. It's a very interesting class, but I'm getting a little tired of some of the immature people in there. Most of them are guys, and I'm assuming they are all returned missionaries since they speak Spanish. I am well aware that serving a mission does not make you a grown up, but if you are going to take an upper-division Spanish class that focuses on contemporary fiction than maybe you should grow up a little. Case in point--we've been watching a movie during part of class over the last few days. I'm not totally sure why we're watching the movie, but it's based on a book that most of us have read before and we're reading another book by the same author. It's in Spanish, without subtitles. There's an old guy that likes to use very colorful language at tim...

I lost the battle this morning. S-Boogie is now wearing her alphabet pants and a purple striped shirt. And while I was busy she got into the closet and put on her church shoes. Sigh. I should just get rid of the alphabet pants if I don't like them that much.

...to my great big pineapple of love :)

1987, Idaho 1985, California And from the not so distant past...

Since I love redirecting traffic to a much more exciting website, the Fobcave, follow this link to an invitation to a party at our humble abode this coming Thursday. The occasion is ostensibly Master Fob's birthday, but we've decided to use that as an excuse to get together all of our blogging friends and such. As stated in the invite, please RVSP via comments and don't bring a gift. You may bring some food if you would like, but we will be providing that as well. (Disclaimer--the alien that has taken up residence in my womb is preventing me from finding any food appetizing lately, so if I reject any food you bring, it's not my fault!)

Random childhood memories: We always thought the Eagles were singing "Take Me to the Lemon " (like this one ) and that Crystal Gale was saying "Donuts make my brownies blue" (not this ) We called "goulash" (macaroni with hamburger and spaghetti sauce) " Jabba casserole" because my brother told my mom that it looked as gross as Jabba the Hut. That fluffy jello stuff with cottage cheese and Cool Whip was dubbed "penguin parfait" after I decided it looked like a penguin being eaten by a seal that I saw in a picture in National Geographic . Chicken, rice and broccoli casserole was called "tree and tooth". Some of my favorite foods from when I was a kid: egg salad sandwiches on pita bread with shredded cheese and alfalfa sprouts cabbage rolls with brown rice and cheese chicken marengo chiles rellenos chili manicotti hamburger stew blueberry strata pie striped delight applesauce oatmeal chocolate chip cookies When we all got in t...

Today we needed to stop by the mall here in Orem in order to pick up some ink cartridges we had filled at Island Ink Jet. We dropped them off last night, but the dude was taking much too long to refill them. So I decided to give in to my cravings for french fries and take S-Boogie to lunch at Chick-fil-A . Many years ago my sister introduced me to Chick-fil-A at the mall in Maryland. I immediately fell in love--they truly have the best chicken nuggets, french fries and lemonade ever made. I know they are a chain restaurant, but they have a very nice business philosophy and refuse to let any of their franchises open on Sundays. And they are giving out small board books with their kids meals. I can support a place like that. Also, this morning for my Don Quijote class we went to Special Collections at the library and looked at the exhibit on Don Quijote and the history of reading . It's pretty cool--and if you are on campus you ought to stop by. They have lots of cool old books on di...

http://fobcave.blogspot.com/2005/10/halloween-preview.html This is the fabulous, no-sew Halloween costume concocted by Master Fob. It almost makes up for the reign of toddler terror that has been happening lately.

Why does she have to ruin all of her cute clothes? Today S-Boogie was wearing her very cute blue-striped shirt and matching blue pants. And she just colored all over them with bright yellow highlighter. Sigh. Can't she ruin some of the stuff that's already ugly?

I just remembered that today was the day I could register for classes for next semester. The fact that I forgot until just now reminded me that I have been here at school for way too long. Registration is so not exciting any more. I only need to register for one or two classes, and now I can just get on the computer and add them in less than one minute. I remember my freshman year making a schedule with my roommates so that we could decide who got to use the phone for registering first. Right at midnight you could start registering, and it always took forever because the sections you wanted might be full and you had to flip through the catalog to find the right registration and section numbers. It was an all-night process fraught with stress over what classes you might be able to get into. I think that my sophomore year was when they introduced Route Y, and it seems like shortly thereafter we could start registering online. It's a much more humane and simple process, although the ...

I feel dirty inside. I spent most of this morning at the mall with S-Boogie. I really don't like the mall, I don't like shopping, and I hate being accosted by vendors trying to sell me cell phones or fancy hand lotion. But today is one of those Saturdays when Master Fob works all day, and they have a tendency to become really, really long days. Also, we have been searching everywhere for red boots to complement the Supergirl outfit for next week. Alas, toddlers no longer wear red boots, as I confirmed this morning at Provo Towne Centre. The trip to the mall wasn't the really bad part, though: I bought her a Happy Meal for lunch. I hadn't really planned on it, but I realized that an Orange Julius sounded great for my queasy stomach, and then when I got to the food court the french fries started calling me. Well, the food court at the Provo mall sucks and the best place (pretty much the only place) for fries was McD's. They have medium fries for $1, but I didn't h...

Today at Maceys I used the fact that I am pregnant to justify buying the following items: strawberries large box of Wheat Thins cherry pie filling 3 boxes of cake mix cashews frozen dinner rolls Little Debbie Pumpkin Delights

Since I am sure that everyone is dying to know how my day went today, I'll guess I should tell you now. I hope those of you who could watched the forum, more so that you could become more enlightened about Don Quijote and not just because there was such a fabulous prayer at the beginning. I got to the Marriott Center at about 10:50, since I had been directed to arrive no later than 10:55. I've never sat down on the floor, so it was weird enough to be down there. Most of my classmates from my Quijote class were sitting down there, so I briefly sat by them because I didn't want to be the first to go sit up on the stand. When a few more people came in and sat up there, I went up. The lights were very, very bright and so I felt a little disoriented. Then I noticed that when they directed the camera to Dr. Friedman, you could see a little of my chin behind him. I also started to worry about the height of the microphone, but when I got up to give the prayer, "do not touch th...

Actually this is just Master Fob honing his fathering skills with our new nephew. According to one website I found, our baby right now is the size of a sesame seed and looks like a tadpole.

After I got back from my presidency meeting this morning there was a message on the phone from the secretary of an office on campus. I actually listened to it a few times before I realized that I had no idea whose office it was, and decided that I might as well call back. I think I was nervous because I received a somewhat threatening email from the graduate coordinator reminding us that it shouldn't take longer than 2 years to complete the program and that they are going to start monitoring grad students more closely. Well, to get back to the original story, I called and the woman informed me that she was assistant to the "Associate Academic Vice President" and that Dr. Rosenberg had suggested that I give the opening prayer at next week's forum. I was a little surprised (pleasantly surprised, of course) and immediately said yes. So I get to sit on the stand, say the prayer, and ride in a golf cart to the hosting center for a luncheon afterwards. Wow. The forum is bei...

Most of the time I'm not that great at making decisions. I have a tendency to either make a really quick decision based on impulse and gut feelings (I especially do this when taking tests) or else I put off making a decision and stress about my alternatives for much too long. The impulsive decision making has generally served me well in places like school and on the College Bowl team, but it isn't always the best thing when applied to life. But, the dithering and hemming and hawing don't work out so great either. I was thinking about decision styles today for two reasons. First of all, S-Boogie has been sick again for the last few days (see here and here ) This morning the cold migrated to her chest and has made her very congested. Given her history of hospitalization for not breathing right, this naturally makes me very nervous. Most of all, because as parents it is up to us to decide what to do. Is she wheezing yet, or just breathing heavily? Should we use the nebuliz...

The thing is, I generally love my calling. I like being in Primary, I like the people I work with (most of them), and it's better than going to Sunday School since that always makes me fall asleep. I've also generally gotten over the fact that I am the president, since it's been a little over a year now. The thing that I am tired of is the relentless parade of problems. There is always something I have to take care of: some calling that needs to be filled, kids not behaving well, an activity to hold, stake reports to file, etc. I never get a break from it! Last week was heavenly because I just had to sit on my couch and watch TV (i.e. sleep). After that nice break, church today kind of felt a little like hell, to put it bluntly. For one thing, we have church at 1 in the afternoon. The kids are all tired, cranky, bored, crazy, etc. by the time they hit Primary at 2:15. Today we also had a kid who is inactive show up with a friend of his. This should be a good thing, but the...

I don't know if it's just the fact that the medication is working, but things have been going quite well for me lately. I hesitate to even think this, let alone say it, lest I be struck down in my moment of pride. But that's OK; for now I will relish the fact that I'm finally having a good time. Here are a few highlights from today: --We got to be among the first people to meet our brand new nephew this morning. He is very adorable and managed to break the family curse of the bald headed babies. Lots of black hair and very chubby cheeks. --My Don Quijote class was quite interesting today; we had an exhilarating discussion on history, literature and truth. I felt proud of the fact that a comment I made was referred to later by the professor as being particularly brilliant. --After DQ I rushed over to meet Master Fob at a talk being given by one of my favorite YA authors, Chris Crutcher . Chris discussed censorship and bad language in books and stuff like that. It was pre...

Wrapped in the feather boa of The season’s premier snowstorm, October makes her entrance. But, after the introduction, She drops the frozen front and Gleams gold so bright That wild geese echo the musical applause Long after the last curtain call That cuts into November’s icy act. --Judy Kay Welch, New Era 1974

One of my favorite things about Conference is the really lame commercials they play right before and after sessions. Some of my current favorites include: " FHE on DVD"--Now you don't have to spend any effort to have family time. Hey, you don't even have to talk to each other at all! "You've waited two long years for it. You've waited long enough"--"It" is Richard Paul Evans' new book. Yeah, since two years is such a long, long time for writing and publishing a new book, especially one of such obvious quality. " LDS Realtors.Com"--Making it even easier to avoid getting to know people of other faiths, no matter where you go. Oh, and I love the fact that just after hearing talks about staying out of debt and living moderately we get all the commercials for things like the "collectors' editions" of books like Lectures on Faith that cost 4 times as much as a simple paperback would...

1. S-Boogie slept in until 9 this morning, so I had a little time to myself to do things like wash the dishes and surf the net with out her destroying the house or clinging to my leg whining like a dejected puppy. And I read her a scripture story from the Friend while she ate breakfast, so extra mom points for me. 2. S-Boogie played by herself for nearly an hour while I read Don Quijote 3. I went to the gym and it's starting to hurt less. Afterwards I tried my new pear-scented deodorant and I like it. Mmm, fruity. 4. Fabulous brownies and cool tunes from editorgirl 5. Tonight I do not have to cook dinner because I am going to a mission reunion where there will be a giant paella

"All of a sudden I felt like I was back in the gym of my junior high school hoping someone would notice me, or, even worse, at PTA night at Skate Palace trying to look sexy on roller skates." 1. Delve into your blog. 2. Find the twenty-third post. 3. Find the fifth sentence. 4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.

No, not me: S-Boogie. She went pee in her potty for the very first time tonight. I've gotten her to sit on it and try before her bath, since she has her clothes off anyway. So far nothing had happened. But tonight she got up, looked inside, and showed me that she had peed in there! Wow! The truth is, this doesn't really mean a lot, since she still can't get her own pants off or tell me when she needs to go. I'm not really ready to train her yet, either. I kind of like the diaper thing, to tell you the truth. But, this is a step in the right direction. And now I get to go clean the pee out of the potty. Joy.

I hereby repent of my barefoot ways; yesterday I ventured outside without shoes and I am now paying the price for it. We were at my brother-in-law's house yesterday for a barbecue. Most of us were inside, but S-Boogie and our niece wanted to play in the backyard. At least we made them put on shoes before they went. I was watching through the glass door when I noticed S-Boogie eyeing the neighbor's yard (it's a newish subdivision and BIL doesn't have a fence up yet). I stepped out to try and get her to come back, when she took off running over into the next yard. Following my mother instinct, I ran after her, forgetting that I wasn't wearing shoes. Suddenly I found myself in terrible pain--the neighbor's yard was covered with mats of prickly weeds and my feet were full of little thorns. I grabbed S-Boogie and managed to get back to the grass, where I immediately sat down and started pulling all the thorns out. Now my feet are full of little holes and they hurt li...

When I was a kid, we used to go outside and wait for my dad to come home from work. He usually rode his Harley, so you could hear him coming for several minutes before he actually got home. Then we would jump up and down and shout while he pulled into the driveway. Sometimes he would give us rides on the bike, putting us in front of him with our feet up on the gas tank. We would go around the block like that, and it was always thrilling to get to ride with Dad on his motorcycle. I don't remember riding much after turning 6 or 7, probably because I got to big to sit in front like that. The other week while my parents were here, my mom noted that when they get their stuff out to Vegas, S-Boogie will be able to go for a motorcycle ride with Grandpa. (S-Boogie loves motorcycles and gets very excited whenever one goes by.) At the time I just said something like, "great", but now I'm a little freaked out. I totally trust my dad--he has decades of riding experience and he is...

The other day in my Don Quixote class we were discussing reading and the relationship between literature and our thoughts and actions. We read a piece from Dante's Inferno about two adulterous lovers, Paolo and Francesca. They were condemned to spend eternity in an embrace, which was torture because they did not have bodies and could not enjoy each other. Anyways, their excuse was that they had been reading the story of Lancelot together and were so overwhelmed by the romance that they begin to kiss, etc. It is very much similar to the whole "don't lay down on the couch with your boyfriend and watch R-rated movies" thing. So as a class we discussed the problems of the media and reading, since Don Quixote read so much that his brains dried up and he thought he was a character in chivalric romances. We also got into the whole "liken the scriptures to yourself thing", at which point Dr. Rosenberg gave me and the guy next to me a dirty look. That was because t...

I went to the gym today. The plan is to go every Monday, Wednesday and Friday during my two hour break between classes (well, I don't have a second class on Friday, but I still have gym time). In the past I have tried working out, but I've never been consistent enough with it to really see any results, and my exercise programs usually end up fizzling out after a little while. But this time I'm not going to let it slide. Today, however I discovered a few important things: 1. Always bring a book. Riding the stationary bike is just torture without a book to hide the stupid little clock that tells you that, yes, it really has been only three minutes. 2. I really need to either bring something else to wear under my gym clothes or else stuff to shower with. Today I had neither, and as I was changing back into my clothes I realized that my underwear was really sweaty. So I just had to go to my next class hoping that no one would notice that I smelled like a locker room. Luckily my...

I just took my first dose of antidepressants tonight. I'm a little nervous to see how it goes--I think I'm most afraid that drugs won't do anything and that I really am just a miserable person. The psychiatrist I talked to today was very optimistic that we could find something that will work for me, but now I have to wait a few weeks to figure out if it's working or not. I actually still feel drained from my appointment with him. This is the second time in the last few weeks that I've spent nearly an hour telling a total stranger all about my life. I worry because most of the time I choose to focus on the positive and I don't think my life is all that bad compared to most people I know, but when I'm telling people all the possible reasons that I may be anxious and depressed, their eyes widen a little and they just nod in agreement. Both the counselor I've been seeing and now the psychiatrist I saw today think that I really do have a lot of major "s...

We had the sacrament meeting program today and it went really well. Even when I wasn't serving in Primary I always enjoyed the nice little break from regular talks. Today was a little weird since I was sitting by the stand helping with the kids, so I got to spend the entire program with my back to the congregation. The kids sang loudly, they all did their parts well, and there were very few distracting hijinks from any of them. We even managed to fill most of the time we needed to and didn't come up short. Now I just hope we never have to sing any of those songs again!

We went to the mall tonight and shopped. At the Gap. I generally am not into shopping or very aware of fashion at all, but lately I realized that Master Fob needed some new clothes for his amazing teaching career. This is still kind of weird for me to admit, because I've never really been picky about his clothes. And I feel like he's good looking as it is and does well picking out things on his own. And I feel like I'm becoming too much of a Fascinating Woman by commenting on his wardrobe. But I consulted with my sister, who goes shopping much more frequently than we do, and we got some good ideas for him to try out. So we ended up at the Gap and now Master Fob looks like the hip young professor that he is.

So in her blog today Cicada referenced a "happiness survey" that seemed to indicate that single men are the most unhappy of any group (the other options being single women, married women, and married men). Of course there are no statistics to back up these claims, but I have been wondering why it is that single men would feel so much more unhappy than single women. I think a major part of the problem is that our society does little to encourage male intimacy. When girls get together, what do they talk about? Deep, emotional stuff (OK, not all the time, but there is bonding going on there). When guys get together they talk about cars, guns, computers, fishing, sports, etc. I think part of it is cultural expectations and part of it is inherent male reticence. Yeah, everyone says that guys just want to get married so they can have sex, but that's really only part of it. Sex has a lot to do with intimacy and vulnerability, and guys don't have much of an outlet for those ...

Master Fob and I have been stumbling around trying to figure out HTML on our own and last night he decided that my blog needed to look a little more fun and personal. Despite the fact that I am much more green than yellow, the fact that there is no yellow on "Yellow Wallpaper" really bothered him, so we were seeking to find a solution to the problem. We did some really cool things that look great on the preview. But for some reason they didn't stick. It was a little too late to keep going without turning into zombie people the next day, so perhaps tonight we can solve the problem. Until then, it's just under construction.

I had a weird thought this morning as I was getting dressed for church. I decided to wear one of my favorite skirts, a long, blue number with a flower print on it. I got the skirt a few years ago at DI and have worn it frequently since then. I like it because it matches several different tops that I have, so I can wear it during any season. It is also long enough to wear when I haven't shaved my legs, and it is a size bigger than my usual so the waistband is extra comfy. So this morning as I was putting it on, I realized that I had never thought about the person who had it before I did. I buy a lot of my clothes at thrift stores and I don't think I've ever thought about what they did before I bought them. I wonder if the person who owned my skirt wore it frequently, or if it generally hid in the back of the closet. And why did she give it away? Did it get too small or just out of fashion? I wonder if it did anything exciting, like go on a mission. Mine has gone to Hawaii an...

My parents were both in town for the weekend, so we went to the zoo today. I decided to try using S- Boogie's harness, since she doesn't like her stroller much lately and it's hard to see the animals when she's sitting in it. If we take her somewhere without having her strapped in the stroller or into a shopping cart, we tend to have the same conversation about fifty bazillion times: "You can either walk and hold my hand or I will carry you." Which means that she either: (1) holds my hand but lets her legs go limp until I let go because I worry that I pull her arm out of the socket, (2) lets me pick her up but then contorts herself like a rabid octopus, or (3) runs away giggling maniacally. Hence, the leash. When I got it out of the bag and put it on her, I immediately felt very self conscious because I know some people who saw us were probably thinking I was crazy. But, it was actually a very nice set up for both of us. She could run all over the place, and...

99.9% of the time I am totally happy being a woman. Seriously, I love my gender and I really wouldn't want to be a man, even if I could have the priesthood. There are, however, a few days out of every month where I want to rip my uterus out and ship it back. I don't want to be a woman today, it hurts too much. And today is the day that Master Fob gets to work both jobs and I get to be home alone all day with S-Boogie (except for that one hour of class). Hurray. I think that we shall sit on the couch and watch a lot of television.

That sounds a little dirty, doesn't it? Anyways, last night I got to go to a little shindig put on by two of the professors in the department (they are married, to each other). It was for all the graduate students who are studying peninsular literature, which basically means stuff from Spain. The problem is, if you say "Spanish Literature" it doesn't help, since it's the Spanish department and everything we read is in Spanish. So we have "Peninsular" and "Latin American" literature sections. The party was actually pretty fun, and most of the professors were there too. It was a nice chance to just mingle with other people and get to know the newer grad students a little too. I did feel a little bad for the one girl who pointed out that she's the only unmarried graduate student in the section right now, but there are only about 8 of us total so it's not like we totally outnumber her (just 7 to 1, it could be worse). I also found it inter...

Last night I forgot how to sleep. I got in bed at a reasonable time and lay awake for nearly an hour. Then I got up and took a sleeping pill and spent another half hour or so on the internet until my brain felt like mush. Yuck. Yesterday I got a little email all about "Your toddler's 25th month of life". In it they kindly reminded me that S-Boogie has spent more time asleep than awake during the last 25 months she has been on Earth. Thanks for reminding me of that fact... It is amazing, though, how much time babies and little kids do spend sleeping. We put her to bed at 8 every night and she sleeps until 8 the next morning. Plus she gets a two hour or so nap every afternoon. I know that they think that all that sleep is to help their little brains develop so quickly, but I think part of it is an evolutionary thing. Parents need a break from their children, or no one would make it past 3 years old. When every hour with a toddler feels like an entire day, it's nice to k...

When I was much younger, I remember reading a few books about the internment of the Japanese in California during WWII. In one of the books the author described how they were first rounded up and placed in the stables of a nearby race track for a few months, where each family was assigned a stall as their home. For some reason, the description of these sort of living arrangements, where an entire community is transported into a much smaller, camp-like setting, fascinated me. I used to wonder about what would happen if some kind of natural disaster occurred and everyone had to move into my school or to my church. Each family would just camp out in a room and then we'd all eat together in the gym and sit around talking peacefully at night. It's kind of weird that the idea attracted me so much, but I was a fairly little kid and prone to weird daydreaming. I have decided now that that is a scenario that I never, ever want to have to live out. I've been watching the news a littl...

1. I finally decided to go to the bookstore and get the version of Don Quijote that we are using for my class because it is a great bargain, much smaller than the one we already have, and has footnotes. But, all the copies there were completely gone so I had to wait until I got home tonight to do my reading. 2. Then, after trekking all the way down to the Key Office to get the key to my office, I got back to the JKB and found that it did not work. How can I effectively do homework anywhere else? 3. I decided to try doing my reading while sitting in the basement of the JFSB, but was distracted by a very annoying conversation near me: Freshmeat girl: "So, like, are you an RM?" RM: "Yeah, I went to Brazil. I speak Portuguese." Freshmeat: "Wow, that is, like, so cool. I totally want to go on a mission because I think it would be so cool and stuff. I'm praying for my dad to be, um, you know, RM: "A mission president?" Freshmeat: "Yeah, so I can go...

I went to school today and I survived it pretty well. My first class is a contemporary Spanish literature class. Cool teacher, cool subject, and we are even working some film in since we are looking at film noir and its influence on literature. I don't like the fact that the class is so big (about 30 people or so), but I can live with that. Oh, and I remembered again that I am really annoyed by the guys who sit around before literature classes begin and talk about how they "hope they can read all these stupid books and do all right so they can get into business/medical/law school". Pooh! Pooh on them! Between classes on Monday and Wednesday I have a break of a few hours, so first I braved the hell that is the bookstore on the first day of class (waited in line for 25 minutes and paid way too much for one stupid book). I also went to the counseling center and got an appointment for later this week. For some reason filling out their paperwork was kind of difficult and made ...

This morning I went into the kitchen to get breakfast and I heard a cat crying outside. I opened the back door to see what was going on and a little orange kitten came streaking into the house through the open door! S-Boogie was extremely delighted, and I thought he was pretty cute too. He was obviously wild, hungry, and desperate for a home (but not for human contact, which I learned when I tried to pick him up). I love animals and was very tempted to keep him around, but we had several problems: Master Fob is allergic to animal hair, the cat was not potty trained and would pee all over the house, also it was obviously not neutered or immunized, and I was worried that it might pass some disease on to S-Boogie. So I took him out back and tried to put him down at the edge of the parking lot by the grass. But, a few minutes later he was outside crying by our window (it's at ground level) and trying to get me to let him in. I called the animal shelter and got a recording stating that ...